Enough of your excuses.
Enough of your frustrations.
Enough of your questions.
Enough of your quiet stares.
Enough of your ignorance.
Enough of your caring.
Enough of all of it.
She put down her thoughts.
Cold words, wrapped heavily in emotion.
Losing him was almost Enough to stop.
But. She continued.
Continued to write about why.
Why she wasn’t Enough for him.
Not fine with you.
Not okay with you.
Not happy with you!
Not ‘so boring!’
Not ‘so emotional!’
Not your plaything!
Not a punching bag!
Not ‘obviously’ your dream,
but forever and always your #ghost!
Nearly the memory of a feeling.
Thoughtly the bliss of new.
Falsely the thought of removal.
Laughingly the release to you.
Emotionally the work of one.
Thankfully the hope of two.
Acceptingly the happiness of us.
Lovingly patience rewarded thus.
You can’t remember my love
You can’t accept my gratitude
You can’t resolve my conflict
You can’t remove my pain
You can’t return my loss
You can’t understand my mistake
You can’t fix what I said
You can’t undo my decision
You can’t forgive what I did
But you tried, and I’m asking if
You can’t love me again
Her two hands wrapped the stemmed glass tumbler.
Hugging tightly, willing the fermented fruit to settle her agony.
Looking down, her battered reflection reminding what brought her here.
Viscous beyond translucence, filling her senses.
Eyes widened slightly, bouquet surrounding her.
Held her thoughts in subtle effervescence.
Allowed her grieving heart a small relief.
Desire to please, forced task rearranging.
Manipulations, control, personality depleting.
Unhealthy, relationship defeating.
To believe thy quality is pure.
A dream with much allure.
Abolishing most self doubt.
Fantasy, without merit, identity rout.
Day begins anew.
So hopeful before.
Down on myself once more.
Feeling. Once so exciting, life bringing.
Now a creeping cold.
I wake to you as you slowly harden my old soul.
I stare off at nothing, daring my mind to feel.
Solidified by too much loss, hurt, abandonment.
I fear warmth will no longer melt the arctic wasteland
my emotions have become.
I’m such a fool.
I believed this would work.
You’re pleading with me,
that this time will be different.
Crying, desperately asking for another chance.
I changed everything for you.
You only changed me.
That was never going to be enough.
I realized I hurt you too late.
The statements wandered internally.
They had merit, they were right.
They developed into thoughts left unsaid
but murmurs on the edge of my tongue.
Once spewed forth, brought eternal regret.
I thought you already knew what I said as truth.
Only to find that you blindly trusted my
feelings were exactly as yours.